Listening — looks so easy, but so challenging to do. Listening is more valuable than talking; by listening, we learn, build trust, show interest.
Tips for being a good listener:
1. Put away all the distractions (yes, I mean the phone).
2. Create a positive atmosphere (eye contact, small friendly smile, comfortable distance).
3. Remember what you were told and ask relevant questions.
4. Interrupt only for clarifying questions.
5. Do not make assumptions. Were you told the restaurant was awful? Don’t conclude the food was terrible, ask why. You will learn that it was terrible because your friend met his ex there, but the food was terrific.
6. Ask open questions. Instead of asking, ‘were you angry or disappointed?’, ask, ‘how did you feel?’. The options force the person to answer the way you anticipate, not the way she feels.
7. Make a small sum up of the other person’s speech. First, it’ll show that you were paying attention. Second, you can double-check if you understood correctly.
The listener has a leading role in the conversation. She is like the interviewer, guiding the conversation and getting the most out of it.
Exercise: next two days talking to people, try not to use the word “I” and see how your conversation will change.
Further reading:
